Jesus is now currently under trial by Pontius Pilate. The weight of guilt is now more present than ever and I feel my self realizing the fullest extent of my fault. I don't know how much longer I can take the anguish of this mental suffering. I know Jesus and those before him talk against suicide but now i feel it is my only escape. I have betrayed my friends and those I love for a few pieces of silver and now I must pay a terrible price, my life.

I have grown apart from my leader and rabbi, Jesus of Nazerath. I have unfortunately taken an offer by enemies of Jesus for twenty-two pieces of silver. It was a difficult choice and even now I begin to regret my decision for it was made in a clouded state. I feel that I made this decision under a great deal of pressure since if it wasn't me it would have been one of those who wanted him dead. Better I make this choice than his enemies.

I joined became the treasurer of the apostles of Jesus today. I am very excited to be apart of a group of people who love and trust one another. Jesus is a very wise man though i am wondering exactly what his goal is. I must learn to trust my friends as they trust me for then i will learn to trust myself. I hope to have more and more interesting experiences with this group of people whom I love.